so let's sort out why i'm so mad. the important reasons:

a) i have to face the fact that i'm never going to be with you, no matter how compatible we are. you don't and won't love me.

b) there isn't anyone else who does.

yeah, (b) is really important.

c) i decided to give someone else a chance, very subtly, and he's not even turning up. waste of my time.

d) i need social interaction, okay, working on my own day after day is driving me off my head.

well that sums it up, basically. i'm really lonely and i'm too afraid (and too proud) to seek out companionship.

and plus the fact that there's not much available to me anyway. it makes me feel bitter.