i go places hoping to see you, hoping against hope for a little of that magic that i had that night so long ago. i don't know, have i said/done the wrong thing again? i'm invariably and inappropriately clumsy and awkward and this behaviour belongs to fifteen instead of twenty-three.

it's a great weight in my heart, the wishing you would come and then when you do, the wishing you would take the place next to me that used to be yours. laughing, smiling, being outgoing and friendly to strangers, that's all on the surface, inside i'm one great pool of wanting you to be here. and sometimes the outside of me lapses into momentary forgetfulness and is distracted by the inside's self-absorption and that's when i look lost and people notice that i've stopped talking and no they don't notice that i look sad because that's how i've always been, with a little core of sadness at the deepest part of my soul, permeating my thoughts always, it's going to be that way until i find someone to take it away.

do you think it's natural to be always a little sad?

heartbreaker, you. how many have there been before me?

i'm such a girl. it's so easy to find excuses for you, to forgive you. and traits like this will probably make me vulnerable all my life and that's why i need someone who will never hurt me that way.

there's a little ache inside whenever i think of you = all the time.