so you confuse me all the time, but perhaps there is no reason to be confused, perhaps again i am the victim of my own illusions. i seem to have been standing on the brink of life for years, shivering on the edge. but i want to fall off this cliff. i just need someone to hold my hand.

there was so much potential in our first meeting. where has it all gone, that flame barely kindled, flickering on the beach where we watched the sun go down together. did you come to the same conclusion as i did, that there could be nothing lasting in this, that our beliefs and convictions were too strong to be reconciled. or were you just…not interested enough. or not at all. that doubt haunts me.

and thoughts of you are always with me, i say your name quietly to myself in crowded rooms, in bustling passageways, alone in the dark spaces of the night, and strangely, embarrassingly, it is a comfort. a guilty pleasure, and also a self-deluding one.

but would you have wanted to be my friend if i had been less than what i am? the selves we are now were attracted to each other for the intrinsic value of each. i trust your ability to discriminate, if not mine. and if i knew for sure that you had valued me, appreciated my worth, i might be able to move on.

think well of me. remember me, as i am now, and remember the time we had together. that island summer will always be ours, and i. don’t think i will walk those beaches again.