discontinuity

so it has been over a year, and so much has happened. the 5th of june was walking around nursing heartache and wanting to cry silent hopeless tears in the arms of someone who knew glasgow and loved it with me. and i am too tired to pretend that being alone didn't hurt. i wonder if i will ever find my way home. still i dream of walking those streets again and looking up at walter scott's column and city hall silhouetted against the moon. and pansies in their baskets twining their frivolous selves around the prim black lamp posts. and, and ... i can't bear to say more. voices, footsteps, the faded hopes and happinesses of a bygone time haunt those paths for me.

now enforcement and forced inactivity. it's always siesta time here it seems. i brought snow to read but the white noise in the background of fellow prps gets into my head. this place is full of exploration potential i think. trees trees everywhere and there is an ikan bakar man down the road. imagine curling up on the spiky malaysian grass, in bright baju kurung with a book under the extended arms of an ancient rain tree . and the leaves would whisper their secrets to me. lovers must have met here, don't you think, in long-past kl days. before the ministry and before enforcement. or even perhaps after. and roasting fish smoke drifting down the road to tantalise.

in the afternoon, it is all quiet and slight malay men walk the corridors, quick-smiling if you do, and it is like so many other places you have seen before. inch square floor to wall mottled tiles on the stairs greyish green with age and dark wood railings and carpets peeling off at the sides and that musty smell you get in air-conditioned offices where the windows are never opened. the aircond doesn't work too well. there is the faint sweet smell of cigarette smoke from dafi's shirt and on the table shiny tabbed copies of the poisons act lie. we are in a maze of white board partitions behind which lie the dens of the u41s.

june was my summer. but i can't write about that, not yet. still too fresh in my mind, still too bittersweet and i am swept away all over again.